On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
