who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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