Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
