I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
