I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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