i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
