I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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