bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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