Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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