Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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