...so i touched it.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
