She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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