Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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