Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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