Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize