oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
