Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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