I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
