I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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