we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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