Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
