so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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