when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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