Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
love makes seman taste better
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
