Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
