puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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