So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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