I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
