You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
