Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
