Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
