I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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