I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
