i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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