no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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