omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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