You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
