Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
