Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
