if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize