We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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