he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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