My first STD was from a foam party
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
