how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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