He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
