You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Randomize
