i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
