I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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