if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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