the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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