Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
