Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
