Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
