we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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