you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
