He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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