I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
