Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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