i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
