Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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