The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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