Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
