the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
