She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
