I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish you could order shots online.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
