Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You may now shotgun with the bride
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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