if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
