He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
