The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
