It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
