1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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