Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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