Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
