I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
