Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
