I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
