I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
