I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
