He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
