Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
