Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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