Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
