Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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